Maybe it’s just because it’s spring. The whole energy of the northern hemisphere is morphing, swinging into a period of growth. And perhaps standing around hugging trees most days has me in touch with that feeling. Or maybe I’ve just got a bad case of wind making me feel different than normal. It’s difficult to say really.
But it feels as if life is about to change dramatically. Which, owing to how my job is going and over all life is going, it’s not surprising. Something’s got to give. I just feel like I’m struggling with too many things right now. Things can’t continue in their current status.
I can’t keep temping.
I can’t blow my next interview.
I can’t have much fun at this rate of pay.
I can’t travel far.
I can’t continue to spend so much time alone.
It’s a lot of can’t. There’s a lot of awesome in my life too:
I can cycle to work.
I can explore the most beautiful city in the world at any second.
I can run for an hour with out too much bother.
I can play tennis whenever I want.
I can pet a cat (nearly) all the time I’m home.
I can read a shit ton of books thanks to the wonder of many libraries around the city.
I can wake up every morning and go to a job I absolutely love.
I can do what I want because I’ve got no one to answer to!
There’s a lovely quote by Theodore Roosevelt as follows:
“Nothing in the world is worth having or worth doing unless it means effort, pain, difficulty… I have never in my life envied a human being who led an easy life. I have envied a great many people who led difficult lives and led them well.”
What I think is going on is that I’m feeling like I want an easier life. If aladdin would come out of a lamp right now my first wish would be for an easier life. I’d probably be transported back to Oregon circa 2009. And my second wish would immediately be to be transported back to now. And then my third wish would be for £1,000,000,000 non taxed. That would solve some things.
My network of friends back in Oregon, has nearly disappeared now. I know I left. And maybe I haven’t been the best at keeping in touch. But I did/do try. And there’s just not much coming back over this side of the pond. That’s rather disparaging and sad.
I have a lovely family who do keep in touch. So at least I have that.
I’m just winging a bit. I will continue to do my best, to keep learning, to keep striving for something better. Meh.
In other news, I’ve been playing a few tennis matches lately. It’s been great to get out on the court and play proper matches. I haven’t won, but it’s been good. I was really thumping my serves towards the end of my 2nd match today. Saved 4 match points and forced a tie breaker for the 2nd set. This summer I’ll be out on the tennis court a lot aiming to improve all of my game and get to a new level of ability on the court. I’ll be keeping up with running as well. I ran for 50 minutes on Tuesday, I think running about 6 miles. Not too bad. If I’m not too sore from tennis, I’ll go for an hours long run tomorrow. I’m pushing my body a lot this year. I hope it can keep up with me. Maybe a very fit, long haired Colleen can land a guy. Cause the short hair, a bit pudgey Colleen wasn’t pulling much in the last year. Time will tell. Maybe this is part of my seismic shift! Love! I’d like to love and be loved once again.
I must be off. I’ve got some planning to do for my back garden. This morning I ripped out a patch of shit on our border and I plan to plant it up with something lovely and colorful this summer. Likely I’ll just put in some nice flowers for the bumble bees. If I put veg in, the damn slugs will eat it all. I’ll keep my veg in pots.
It’s not much space, but it’s something. I also ran out of time to finish clearing it up. I had to get to my tennis match. And since it’s been pissing down with rain and very window since about 2, I am not about to go back out there to finish it today. Tomorrow though……tomorrow.
Well, I’m off to relax the evening away. I’m beat! All the best to you all. Keep on traveling the difficult road…..