Monthly Archives: January 2013

Love and death

Maybe it’s my tiredness from over exertion of cycling into the wind this week, but my heart hurts. From love. Not from like working too hard. In the physical sense, it’s probably in pretty good shape. Emotionally, not as good. And it’s made me a bit bitter tonight. I’m finding it difficult to come to terms with the realization that some people in my life don’t love me as much as I thought they did. Or that I in fact love them more than they do (or maybe ever did) me. Maybe they’ve got a different idea of what Love is than me. Any who, I’m a bit le blah.

In other, more exciting news, you may have noticed the photo of the mouse below. That’s the mouse Piccadilly killed like an absolute BOSS this morning. I think it’s her first kill of a mouse. At least indoors. I didn’t let her eat it, which she’s a bit fussed about. I gave her speacial treat food as a reward. She accepted it, but with a bit of spite. Now she’s got a certain amount of swagger in her step, the likes of which I have not seen before. I don’t blame her. It was a good catch of the mouse.

Any ways, I need sleep. Badly. So I’m outta here. TTYL!

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Dead mouse. A wet dead mouse.

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Getting ahead

It’s just gone 9 AM on a snowy morning here in south London. I managed to sleep in till 8:26. For me, that’s a pretty good lie-in. I woke up and looked out the window to find more snow falling on top of the 2-3 inches we already have on the ground. This snowfall over the last couple day is my first proper snow of London. It has snowed this winter and last but it didn’t stick for this long. This snow has cause H-A-V-O-C on flights, trains and road. And the Met Office says there is more all day today. Fine with me as long as the major roads are clear tomorrow for me to cycle to work. I’ll take an alternative route than I normally do, as Tooting Bec Common was rather treacherous on Friday night as you can see by the picture.

Snowy cycle home.

Snowy cycle home.

There has not been much on the docket this weekend outside of some interneting, reading, keeping warm in my house. I’d do more but the stress of getting out there is not worth it. Plus I’ve got a bit of a bum knee which I’d like to rest. My other thing I’ve got to do this weekend is try to make myself more marketable for a long term employment. I’m going to bite the bullet and do a couple of qualificationy type things I’ve been dragging my feet on the last couple years. It’s alright to get temp work here, but to get anyone to keep you on long term seems to be difficult. So perhaps I need a few more letters after my name? A bit more British based education? I’m not sure what’s lacking. Or perhaps it’s just me and my awkwardness that wards potential employers off. That is also to be addressed in 2013. Either way, I’m going to do my best to improve and be prepared for the next permanent job I go for.

This January has been rather routine and uneventful. I’m going to blame the lack of alcohol in my diet. It’s left things feeling rather unpredictable. In some ways that’s good and some ways bad, but mostly good. It’s been a tough test to not drink at points. I walked into the Ferrer’s on Wednesday night to find the best line up of alcoholic beverages I’ve ever seen there in my life. Lots of By the Horns, Brodies, Thatchers and Cronx, which I have been dying to try. I ordered a peppermint tea. I was so fucking thrilled to do so. It’s the closest I’ve come to cracking, but I would have been sorely disappointed with myself. I only have 11 more days of being on the wagon, so I hope some of those brews are still available in February.

It’s been good to not drink as I have spent limited funds this month. A night out can ruin my budget for the week very easily. And I need to save all the pennies I can with a possible trip to the Best Coast in April/May happening. The trip has hit a bit of a speed bump this week as my employment prospects over that period has become rather tenuous. I’d very much like to go back stateside and see my lovelies, but it appears life over here is against me doing that. I will continue to fight my way through the slog and get back stateside ASAP. And if I don’t go stateside, I’m going to the mother flipping continent to go see some new city I haven’t yet seen for a few days. Most likely it will be Amsterdam to ride bikes. Anyone want to come join me?  Please please?

On that note, I need someone to confirm plans to come visit me soon. It’s been too long. My 2 hours with Tera hardly

The snow keeps falling.

The snow keeps falling.

counts towards anything. No substantial visit has occurred since September. Get it together folks. Especially relatives. Your lack of visitation is simply appalling.

Any ways, I’m out. I’ve got some more NY Times to read, more tea to drink and my traditional sunday brekkie to make.  I hope you’re all well. Keep in touch my friends. Much love.

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2012 to 2013

Sunset 2012

2012: A year of culmination. I had a lot of ambition early in my 20s to achieve things by 2012. And I think for the most part, I nailed it. In the long history, I’ll remember 2012 as a super fantastic year. I’ll forget about all those super tough moments. The ones where I didn’t see where I was going next and depression and confusion. The same thing happens every year, but I imagine it will be more whitewashed for 2012. I got to live in London, see the Olympics, work my dream job, drink beer, explore new places and do everything I wanted to do. A year of Colleen. While it’s good to have satisfied all those desires, I feel a bit glutinous. A bit decadent.

I want something different for 2013.

My main goal is to have a different kind of balance and control of things in my life. I have struggled to overcome my social anxiety disorder in recent years. Well, to be fair I haven’t put that much effort into doing anything about it. And only recently has it occurred to me how it’s negatively inflicted on some of the most important relationships in my life. Not to mention my work life. I want it to change. And in the coming weeks I will begin that process. It’s necessary as I start this new chapter of my life which has the least amount of planning going into it than has ever occurred in my life. This is not a time where I can break down. It’s time to embrace the chaos.

On that note, I’ve decided to set out only a few resolutions this year:

1. Read 5 Classic Russian novels.You know. Just to torture myself a bit. Over all I want to read 20 books. Those Russian books are thick, so cut me some slack!

2. Go for a run 50 times. I know if I say “run once a week” I won’t do it. But if I’ve got a numerical goal in mind, I’m much more likely to accomplish it.

3. Play tennis 50 times. Same thing. And sometimes I go on a tennis tear and want to play every day for a week. Then I go months without touching my racket, so I need to accommodate my whims to some extent.

That’s it. I’d like to postulate where I will be on the 5th of January 2014, but I haven’t the foggiest. Likely back stateside. Hopefully employed in arboriculture making ok money. Living close to family or friends. Cycling a lot and not getting fat. Maybe a boyfriend? (doubt that at my old age though).

Anyone out there have any good new year’s resolutions? Share them. Best of luck to all of you in 2013!

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