Where to start…

The rug seems to have been pulled out from underneath me so many times this week I can’t find the strength to stand up again. I think I need a hand to help me up.

This week has proven to be one of the most emotionally difficult weeks I’ve had in a while. I learned on Tuesday of the death of one of my friends. This was followed by some bad news about one of my other friend’s parents falling further ill. I don’t feel like delving into more detail than that on this public platform. It’s hard to come to grips with tragedies one at a time. To have two back to back has been too much. I haven’t been myself all week. It’s unfortunately written all over my face as well. Hiding my emotions has never been one of my strong points. I feel unwilling to engage in most conversation. I have only felt like talking about what I’m feeling to a select few. Keeping it bottled up is not the answer, but talking and making it known to everyone feels wrong.

All this is coupled with my job switch next week. I have to say goodbye to co-workers who have become more friends than co-workers. I’m glad to be moving on, but it will be difficult regardless. And it marks the beginning of a period of unheralded uncertainty for the foreseeable future in my life.

So I’m taking today and tomorrow to regroup. It’ll be time to think deeply and start to focus on the positives in life. There are a lot of good things going on despite me being unable to see very many of them at the moment. I can only hope for the sake of my colleagues on Monday that I am in much better spirits. And I need some stability somewhere in my life. Where it will be is not obvious to me.

But this is life, no? There will inevitably be periods like this. And in a few months/years I’ll think it wasn’t that bad and it made me a stronger person so it was worth it. But right now, it sucks.

So that’s all I have right now. Probably too much information for me to share on the blog, but I think it’s important to embrace the highlights and lowlights of life. On that note, good night.

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