My head is telling me that it’s been a good run and not to sit on this anymore. Get up from the table. Cut your losses. Cash in my remaining chips and call it a day. Go home and wake up tomorrow and start fresh.
My heart tells me not to give it all up as it’s more than likely just another blip of bad luck and things will turn around soon enough.
Which ever one I choose to listen to, it’s not going to be easy from this point on. And standing at the crossroads is more painful than walking down either path. But right now, that’s where I am. At the crossroads. It really fucking sucks.
So airing this semi-dirty laundry to the world is probably not the best decision. But I’ve gone over this all in my head, in my writings, to my cat and none of it seems to help. I’m not good at discussing it with the spoken word. I realize my inability at fully explaining my feelings and thoughts to others. And the one person I’d usually go to to talk about this, the one person I feel like I can say anything to, is the one person I can’t get ahold of.
So I know life will go on. And I know eventually the hemorrhaging will stop. Pain will subside. That feeling of love will come back to me. And one day I’ll look back today and think “oh yeah, that wasn’t so bad.” Best thing I can do I guess is to live in the moment. Well, that’s the best thing always, really. But to enjoy right now, where I am and what I’m doing the best I can. That’s what I’ll attempt to do. And listen to a lot of Kanye, because it seems appropriate.
Until then, best to all of you.