My head is telling me that it’s been a good run and not to sit on this anymore. Get up from the table. Cut your losses. Cash in my remaining chips and call it a day. Go home and wake up tomorrow and start fresh.
My heart tells me not to give it all up as it’s more than likely just another blip of bad luck and things will turn around soon enough.
Which ever one I choose to listen to, it’s not going to be easy from this point on. And standing at the crossroads is more painful than walking down either path. But right now, that’s where I am. At the crossroads. It really fucking sucks.
So airing this semi-dirty laundry to the world is probably not the best decision. But I’ve gone over this all in my head, in my writings, to my cat and none of it seems to help. I’m not good at discussing it with the spoken word. I realize my inability at fully explaining my feelings and thoughts to others. And the one person I’d usually go to to talk about this, the one person I feel like I can say anything to, is the one person I can’t get ahold of.
So I know life will go on. And I know eventually the hemorrhaging will stop. Pain will subside. That feeling of love will come back to me. And one day I’ll look back today and think “oh yeah, that wasn’t so bad.” Best thing I can do I guess is to live in the moment. Well, that’s the best thing always, really. But to enjoy right now, where I am and what I’m doing the best I can. That’s what I’ll attempt to do. And listen to a lot of Kanye, because it seems appropriate.
Until then, best to all of you.
The wind is blowing semi-fiercely outside, but the rain has abated for the moment. And for this reason, I shall venture out for my lovely Saturday errands. First, a bicycle ride through Tooting Common to see how the trees, dogs and runners are getting along. Then over to Balham for a stop at the used book store to pour over the shelves and random stacks of books. From these, I’ll choose a couple titles so I have something to look forward to reading in the next few weeks. And after this a trip to the farmer’s market to pick up most of the food I’ll be eating in the coming week. Topping it off, I like to listen to some good old tunes on the computer like this one below from Mr. Bill Withers. Lyrics like these keep me soppy and contemplative about love and life. Challenging but beautiful topics to have a think about on a Saturday morning. These mornings are the ones I will cherish and look back on fondly in years to come, so I must get out and live them. Have a good weekend everyone. ❤
I did something really stupid and scary today. Oh what a naughty girl I am. But everywhere I turn. Every website I see or video I watch and article I read tells me “you’re right.” I did what I needed to do to get the point across to the “powers that be” that what was happening was no bueno. Although acting with reckless abandon isn’t always the best course of action, sometimes it is. Sometimes it’s really worth it. And afterwards, you’ll feel good about what you did. And now (hopefully) I can go forward and create my art. Whatever art that may be on a given day. I found this really nice vimeo shown below. Please keep it in mind and do your best. Every day.
Peace love and Pineapples,