Another Friday night here in P-town.  Actually went out for a couple pints tonight, but I wasn’t having the greatest time.  Staring at your pint, watching the level drop slowly as the minutes tick by, contemplating all the other things you could be doing, where you could be doing them and who you would be doing them with.   It’s just kind of depressing. I think going out by myself makes me feel more alone in the end.  I am alright with being alone, but it’s been extra nagging to be alone since I’ve gotten back from Kenya.   While in Kenya, I met some very good people and actually went out for meals, hikes and dancing with them.  So coming back to the alone-ness again is a difficult transition.

I’ve also got so much writing to get done in the next two weeks.  That’s alright, but when you’re feeling a bit meh, it’s more fun to do just about anything.  But if you were ask me to trade back to the life I was leading, I’d say no thank you.  I’d much prefer to be doing this.  Before I came here, I knew it’d be a struggle.   And struggling is accepted.  If I wasn’t struggling and everything was easy I would be concerned.

Any ways,  I should unplug from the library and head to sleep.  I’ll be back here early tomorrow.  I’ve got about 10 pages of writing to do and a lot of research to knock out this weekend.  And then a further 15 pages due by next week.  The fun never ends!

Oh, and if anyone in the UK happens to read this, check out the BBC Comic Relief on BBC iplayer.  They are in Kibera, the slum in Nairobi.  I decided not to go there (well not formally.  I ended up there for a little bit not on purp0se and quickly left) as I thought it was weird to go in there and be a voyeur into people struggling to live everyday.  So watching the Comic Relief documentary is replacing it for me.  And it also makes me want to go back to Kenya.  There was a bit in Human Planet Cities (epic series) episode I was this week about some people literally living in a garbage dump in Mombasa.  I went by this place on the train.  It was really really sad to see that people had to resort to finding their food and supplies from garbage.  I rolled by many other “dwellings” right by the train tracks, filled with people who obviously had very limited means in life.  I choked back a lot of tears on that train ride.

That’s the thing about posting pictures to everyone.  Yes, I took pictures of some really nice things while in Kenya.  But I didn’t take pictures of the bad things or I chose not to broadcast them to the world.  You get only part of the story.   I wasn’t going to take pictures of people struggling, living in decrepit, crowded living conditions.  It’s not nice.  It was an incredible experience and very humbling.  It makes me want to give so much.  And I feel stuck at the moment, knowing I have to at least be here for another 4 or 5 months finishing up this degree.  Then I need to find a job so I can pay off my loans.   And all I really want to do is get back to Africa and start helping with tree plantings…….ugh.  But I know in the end, earning this degree will just help me in my quest to help more people in the end.

So, yes,  this is probably why I’m feeling meh.  Well, one of the reasons.   So on that note, I will pedal on home.   Good night, folks.



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