Today I got yelled at by some guy on Greenwood. I was trying to turn left off of Greenwood and some guy yelled “BIKE LANE!” It took me a couple blocks to figure out what he had actually yelled. The funny thing is, there are no bike lanes on that small section of Greenwood. So to that guy who yelled at me: Eff off! I can be in the street too. Jerk.
I feel like poop. There’s a pile of bills building up on the floor of my room. Doctor bills and such. I hate having bills. Some of those bills (most of which) I shall fight, because it’s bs. On top of that our premiums just went up for our health insurance like huge amounts and so did our deductible. Party time.
Alright, I’m out. I have much to do.
There’s mega happiness on the homefront here: the World map is up at the Volcano. I got the first two pins in. One in Bend and one in Seychelles.
To say the least, I have had a shit eating weekend. I want to puke. Literally, my stomach is in such a knot over what I did and my heart is working overtime trying to keep up with my stress level and I have no one to blame but myself. There won’t be details posted cause I am embarrassed and ashamed and everything other bad emotion I can imagine feeling. I’ve lost a close friend and messed up many more relationships along the way. Really, the only thing I can do from this experience is to learn from it and grow and become a better person. And this post is not an excuse for my actions, it is merely a cathartic writing exercise for my soul. It’s a step in the right direction.
When I was younger, I saw things as so black and white. The world was cut and dry, people were either good people or bad people. As I get further along in my journey I realize it’s so gray. Nothing is black and white. I know that is cliche to say but it becomes more clear to me everyday. You can’t go around thinking people are either good or bad. Every person has good and bad in them and it’s sometimes a tough battle to keep the good in the majority. You don’t know what the situations are people had to deal with in their past that have lead them to where they are now. And not everyone can triumph over adversity well. Some struggle.
So here I am in the midst of one of worst situations in my life, all self inflicted and with no apparent way to heal the relationship I completely ruined. The Colleen of 10 years ago would say I’m a terrible person with no hope for me to be good again. I’m always going to be an asshole. Luckily the Colleen of today sees the blackness in her life and wants to change it to light. I can become a better person and one that does not disrespect and neglect her friends the way she has been. I’m working really hard to get my life back on track with good trouncing all over the bad.
So I have decided to stop drinking for a while. I’m leaving it open as I am not sure when I will feel comfortable again. Yikes. It seems like I’ve been on an epic drinking journey the last few months and it’s time to get control and stop. It’ll be for everyone’s best interest, mostly my own though.
My stress level in the last two months, be it from lack of plan for the future, moving, injury or months, has hit a high. I’ve been flying by the seat of my pants and just feel like I haven’t been settled in ages. I just keep going and going and never stopping to catch my breath. There needs to be a reset. In the near future it looks as though I will be taking a long weekend to sort my life to the only place I know where to go to sort my life. It can only help if only to get out of town for a few days.
My shoulder is beginning to improve mucho and should lend to me increasing my physical activity, feeling better from the inside. I’m thinking group tennis lessons will be nice and FINALLY frickin riding my bike to and from work. It’s been pretty much ages since I commuted regularly to work. On top of that, I’m going to start running. It’s so mind sorting. I always feel much better after it. Or at least going for a walk for a bit every night. Frisbee golf? Yeah, I may hold off for a bit once my shoulder is up to strength. We’ll have to wait and see.
So I don’t know what else to say. I hope to have that gray area where I live my life to become a nice light shade of gray here real soon. I’m off for a run. Bye.
I’m baking. It’s 9:30 and I’m baking. Yeah. It got up to 95 today. Way too much for me to be participating in work outdoors. I’m not saying we slacked today, but it was hard to get motivated to get work done. We went into work early today, so we were able to get off early so we weren’t out in the oppressive heat for too long.
It’s been a good week here. My shoulder, after a super shitty Monday, has gotten a bit better finally. Monday I ended up coming home from work as it was one of my worst days of work with the injury. By Tuesday morning though it was back to normal hurting level. I am having a bit of a problem with a tingling/numb Ulnar nerve down my arm, but besides that it’s feeling ok. I can’t believe it’s dragging out this long actually.
So, I will get some pictures up. I’m pretty sure my digital camera has checked out, so I will get those pictures uploaded before my camera completely dies. Yikes. It’s a sad story as I can not currently afford a new camera with all the bills coming in from the doctors and various new housing costs.
After some thought, I think I want to pursue a career in arboculture. It’s about a year and a half out, but I’m going to start my training for it. There’s other things that need to be accomplished first, but I’ll get there. This winter is going to be devoted to furthering myself in my career. It’s time for this girl to make some moolah and be able to see the world a bit and not have to worry about money. It’s been a long time coming, but I’m pretty stoked to try my hand at some arborist stuff.
Alright, I’m off to bed. The sun makes me sleepy. So does getting up at 4:50 AM. Night.
what a weekend. i’m happy i made it through. the west side of the cascades was a crazy epic journey. i got to see coldplay at 10th row center. yes. that was amazing. i’ve never been that close at a big concert like that. i’m so grateful for jill’s parents for having me along. next up was a midnight journey to seaside with jill for a ultimate tourney. it wasn’t so much a sporting event as a complete drinking fest. those ultimate players do enjoy their cheap, shitty beer. it was fun and just nuts. late nights all weekend. that was on top of an already crazy thursday night of mj tribute night dancing. 4 1/2 hours of dancing, no rest except to sip on a beer or use the loo. ridic. the mj dance party continued into the weekend as well both friday and saturday night.
wow. yeah, so it will probably take a few days to recover from the weekend. i’m ready for a nice relaxing weekend! luckily i’ll be staying close to home. we’ll be having a house warming party on saturday and i guess a yard sale on sunday. woot.
alright, must be off to bed. hope to actually upload pictures this week, so stay tuned. cheers!
Hello kids. We’re Davenport free now and residing in the Volcano. Sorry I never got that last post in at Davenport. It was a hellacious week and I didn’t have the strength to move ye olde computer back over to D-port and write again. It was a lot to ask. So we’re here. Woot. It has been crazy, but I’m happy we’re in the new place. We’ll have some great adventures here.
Yesterday was the 4th and we had an epic time during the Freedom Ride. Seriously, it was an amazing hour. Downtown Bend stopped as well over a thousand bikers took to the streets yelling, riding and enjoying the moment. I can NOT believe I never did it before. I guess in all fairness, I have only been here 2 1/2 4th of Julys since moving here. Tera and I also went to the pet parade in the morning. There were tons of dogs and kids and bikes. It was really cool. A lot of the dogs were dressed up. But there weren’t just dogs. There were also ducks, horses, bunnies and even a guy with a bowl of goldfish on a skateboard. Well worth the early morning rally. Yeah, I’ll try to get some pictures up of all that soon.
I’m mostly unpacked now. I’ve got about 3 more boxes and no place to put the stuff that’s in them anywhere. I’ll be needing a dresser or some sort of storage area for everything. Hopefully we’ll be able to sort that soon.
Piccadilly is slowly adapting to the new place. She managed to escape for a few hours a couple days ago, but made it back in time for bed time. Really she is getting used to the place better than I thought she would. Obviously she misses her bf Fella and all her other D-port friends, but I hope she can maybe make some new friends here.
The Wimbledon final today was so great between Roddick and Federer. I almost feel as though Federer won it by default. It didn’t seem like he really won. Roddick was the dominant player from beginning to end for sure. It was tough to see him get the runner up trophy. I was happy Roddick fought for so long though.
Any ways, I’m going to go to bed. We’ve got 6:30 AM Monday morning meetings now. Woot. Ok, ttyl.